Husband says im fat

Now he didn't say..."wife you are fat". what he said was "look at this chick she was super fat then she got super skinny" and i noticed that the "super fat" chick was way smaller then me. and I though... :/ he thinks im super fat. being the brash young lady that I am I piped up with "dear, she is smaller then me at her fattest" and he was like "uhhh.... huh" which is code for "gosh im caught".

This would explain alot...

So I need to lose weight. I just had a BABY, even though its been a year it took me six months to stop bleeding. thats a long time. then three months after that to get my full mobility back. This was a big baby and it kicked my butt (chances are he will be an only child... didn't expect recover to take so long) So I have been functioning in a normal capacity for three months or so. I have been trying to diet but I dunno how well thats going. I'm losing like one friggin pound ever two weeks.. I know I can do better.

im really fat.

blah.


what he doesn't understand is that i have dreams of being fit and active. i have always wanted to run a marathon.. :/ and stuff. like all i want in life is to be a real runner. and when i do run i feel the best i have ever felt. He gets on me cause he can go to the gym (he is a stay at home dad) and stuff. and when i get home from work and throw on dinner and all that jazz.. im pooped. and yes i do laundry and tidy and run after the little one.

I just don't know where ima fit in time.

excuses excuses.....

im so depressed i wanna jump off a friggin bridge.

DS is in bed..... my bed

So I have been having this issue with my boy.... he is a year old and refuses to sleep in his perfectly good crib. He is trying to be all grown in our bed resting his head on the fluffy pillows mom's got going on in there.

My husband thinks its cool that he is trying to be a little adult....

I hate going to bed now. Its going to be a long night of trying not to get kicked by the baby while also trying not to smother him. I am instead of sleeping... boiling beans on the stove and other prep work for a crock pot dinner.

Tomorrow I have a church meeting. Its a big church meeting... Im nervous and excited... I really need to sleep so I can be present and accounted for but. no... why should I sleep.

why?